How Amazon is building the Intergalactic Cable Service
A proof that Jeff Bezos is actually a Rick Sanchez variant. Birth of a conspiracy theory.
Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. We’re all going to die. Come watch TV.
- Morty, Rick and Morty
A fortnight ago, when I was sick, I had a fever dream. Somehow, the intergalactic cable service from Rick and Morty was real, and I was setting it up in my living room. This newsletter is an exaggeration of that dream. Bear with me, but imagine a world where the intergalactic cable service from Rick and Morty is a real thing. You'd be able to watch TV shows from all over the universe, from different galaxies and dimensions. The possibilities for entertainment would be endless.
But how exactly would this service work? Well, first of all, you'd need a special device to access the intergalactic cable. This device, known as the "Interdimensional Cable Box," would be able to tune into different frequencies and dimensions, allowing you to watch all kinds of shows. I am sure we already have the proto version of this that we call the 'Amazon Fire Stick'. It is all a part of Jeff Bezos' plan that is filled with rockets that look like a d*ck, and a sentient Artificial Intelligence that listens to your conversations when it is not playing song requests.
Anywho, of course, with such a vast selection of shows available, it might be overwhelming to choose what to watch. That's why the Interdimensional Cable Box would come with a built-in AI assistant, who would recommend shows based on your viewing history and preferences. The AI assistant would also be able to answer any questions you might have about the shows, characters, and universes they take place in. Why does this sound like Alexa to me?
As for the shows themselves, they would be unlike anything you've seen before. For example, you might come across a cooking show where the host is a giant, tentacled alien who demonstrates how to cook other aliens for dinner. Or, you might watch a talk show hosted by a wise and ancient being who interviews other beings from different dimensions. The possibilities are endless. If you think that is ridiculous, and sounds expensive af, tell me who produced the most expensive TV show? Yup, Prime Video has produced Rings of Power for over a $1 billion.
Looking at all these facts, it is as clear as your reflection on Bezos's head that Amazon is indeed building the intergalactic cable service. And by the power of transitivity, it means Jeff Bezos is actually a Rick Sanchez variant. audience gasps
If you have read this far, please DM me and let me know what you thought about today's newsletter. If it even makes a single person's day, my day is made, too.
Yours seducingly,
Frodo Mercury
The Lord of the G-Strings
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